Smaller than a Breadbox

If I were short, I would try to stand near other short people to make myself appear taller. This idea comes from the same line of thinking that leads all of us large women to wear gigantic jewelry and carry purses that could double as overnight bags in a useless effort to make ourselves appear petite. Yes, if I were short, I would spend my days looking for other short things to surround myself with.

And if I were short and fat, I would carry a very large purse with a teeny little strap.

Why can't it all be Love Lard?

Love Lard is easy.

For those poor, unfortunate souls who are not familiar with the heavenly taste of Love Lard, let me enlighten you. It is an appetizer. I got the recipe from one of the Sweet Potato Queens books (Holla to Her Royal Highness, Jill Conner Browne). Love Lard has three ingredients: bacon, white bread, and cream of mushroom soup. Even if you've never tasted it, you know, right there, that it will be good. How could you go wrong with those ingredients?

You can't. It is heaven.

More importantly, it is easy. You smear and roll the 3 ingredients together, slap it on a cookie sheet, pop it in the oven, and before you know it...Viola! Love Lard! Whenever I've made it, my guests have raved about how wonderful it is. As the splendor of this baconocitous creation melts their taste buds into whimpering puddles of submission, it is clear that I have done it: I am a success. In that moment, I have saved the party, and I am the Love Lard Goddess.

...Why can't it all be Love Lard?